The woman on the tightrope: the back-pack

The back-pack can be seen as either carrying survival strategies or weighing the woman down with unwanted baggage, so it is important to ask the client what the back-pack represents to her and then to dialogue in relation to this if you are using this metaphor in individual sessions.

The second group work session based on the tightrope: coping strategies to help confused/ traumatised brains

In the more structured environment of a support group I have taken the back-pack to represent survival/ coping strategies and based group discussion around the following questions:

1.  How does it feel to know that we have coping strategies in our “back-packs”?

Some responses have been I feel relieved but unsure about how to put them into practice; I feel stronger and not quite so alone; I feel like I am struggling through the storm but there are friends to support me; sometimes we feel like there are no strategies in our back-packs; we may have things in our back-packs but we need to take them off and take out things to use them (a challenge when balancing on a tightrope).

2.  What coping strategies have we already used during the times when we were able to resist, or step around, the tactics of control?

3.  What strategies could we add to our back-packs? (These can include strategies that they have noticed others using, strategies suggested in the last session from the Illuminations cards, new ideas and strategies drawn from a provided list – see below).

4.  Which strategies have we found work best for us?

5.  What can we do to help these strategies grow?

Some responses have been the more we use them the more they will grow; by affirming what is in our back-packs; by joining groups and mixing with others/ finding other ways of doing; by sharing our strategies with others.

6.  From the Angels cards (see link in the post on The woman on the tightrope: the abused brain) choose some angels that we would like to take with us on our journey across the tight-rope, and include these in our back-packs.

Some of the angels chosen have been wisdom, friendship, serenity, courage (to keep going), encouragement (we sometimes need this from others), beauty (seeing inner beauty in ourselves and others), reflection (seeing how far we have come), patience (to understand that the journey is going to take time and to have patience with ourselves) and perseverance.

Using a creative and visual activity to reinforce the strategies

Near the conclusion of the session we made small booklets in the shape of back-packs, and the women recorded in these, the strategies that were relevant to them individually.  Ribbon was stapled to the back of the booklet to form the straps and the covers were decorated with papers from scrap-booking supplies.

A list of coping strategies

• Making sense of our experiences by finding an alternative story to the perpetrator’s story
• Remembering those people who have given us power and tapping into their messages
• Recognising control tactics for what they are
• Isolating ourselves away from annoying people and staying away from known triggers
• Creating a safe spot in our homes/ changing our surroundings
• Creating a safe spot to go to in our minds/ being in a safe place emotionally
• Reconnecting with others and being around positive people
• Reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that were made invisible by the trauma
• Holding onto confidence and belief in ourselves, being our own boss and giving ourselves permission to do things instead of asking
• Remembrance of loved things we have lost and allowing ourselves to mourn for them
• Standing up to ‘power over’ and recognising projection as a tactic being used against us
• Hanging onto hope for the future
• Challenging self-blame and guilt
• Re-focusing on good things and living in the moment (mindfulness)
• Putting the past in the past and using thought stopping when needed
• Processing things in our heads
• Keeping ourselves healthy by exercising, eating nutritious food and getting enough sleep
• Comforting ourselves when triggers occur or when we have nightmares (or seeking comfort from others)
• Offloading feelings responsibly by writing them down and then destroying them or talking them through with someone we trust
• Using breathing and relaxation strategies for anxiety and using stress management skills
• Distraction/ zoning out/ playing computer games/ doing puzzles
• Having the courage to keep working on healing
• Setting ourselves a challenge to learn or do something new
• Finding out accurate information about our rights and services we can use
• Thinking positive and borrowing positive thoughts from others
• Seeing mistakes as opportunities to learn or create something new