The woman on the tightrope: the abused brain

Many women who have lived with domestic violence say that emotional abuse causes them far more long term damage than physical abuse, and the metaphor of the lady on the tightrope recognises this by including “the abused brain”. Much has been written on the impact of trauma on the brain and Judith Herman’s book Trauma and Recovery led the way in recognising that living with domestic violence is a traumatic experience.

A great resource

 The Illuminations cards, produced by the Kyabra Community Association Inc, consist of 12 cards depicting various  control tactics and 12 corresponding cards outlining skills that can be used to resist each tactic. The cards are available from:

http://www.lighthouseresources.com.au/bookshop/cards/illuminations/

Tactics include the venomous snake of poison minds, the well of put downs, the rotten branch of consequences, the barking dog of blame and accusations, psychotic cyclones, the sweet talking candy cane, the hour glass of restrictions, the forest of financial control, the razor wire spiral of isolation, the palm tree of possessiveness, the vulnerability spotting telescope and the school of tactics.

The first group work session based on the tightrope: emotional abuse

This session is based on using the following questions as a structure:

1. How does it feel to be able to see through control tactics? (Stones have feelings too cards are used here and these are available from Innovative Resources – see the link below).

 Some responses to this question have included  I can smile, but I still feel a bit off balance; I feel angry and frustrated that they think they can control me and that it is normal to do so; I feel proud and try not to let it get to me, but need lots of strength to hold it off.

2.  Many things that others do to us can leave us with a confused/ traumatised brain. From the Illuminations cards, each person chooses a control tactic that they recognise as having been used on them, and then shares this with the group.

3. Each person chooses a response card that reminds them of skills that helped them survive or resist this control tactic, and then shares this with the group.

4. What things have we done to free ourselves up from these controls? 

 Some responses to this question have included living our lives in ways that work for us; having the courage to come out and tell others  the truth about our experiences; having the insight to see through “nice control”; getting rid of bad rubbish out of our lives.

5.  What things have helped us to clear and heal our confused/ traumatised brains? 

Some of the responses to this have been getting out, mixing and trying new things; humour; getting away from toxic people and situations; doing things that give us confidence and belief in ourselves. 

6. What strengths do we have to help us heal from the damage caused by control tactics? (Angels cards are used here and these are available from Innovative Resources by following the link below)

http://innovativeresources.org/