The thing that you have dreaded has now come to pass

 In Central West NSW we have had relatively few positive cases of Covid 19 until now, but all this has changed almost overnight. In our local town there are, of today, 9 cases and some have been infectious in the community. Testing numbers are alarmingly low and the threat has become very real. It has also been quite difficult to obtain Covid Vaccinations locally until last week, with overstretched and inadequate GP services being the only sources. My husband and I chose to travel 125 kms to another town back in May to obtain our first AstraZeneca dose and had to do the same just over a week ago for the second dose, before the two local Pharmacies and an ADF pop-up clinic came on line last week.

Context

In some ways, with our focus on achieving and maintaining zero cases in Australia, we have been taught to be terrified of Covid 19 rather than to learn to live with it, and now in NSW we are facing the new reality of having to undertake a complete mind shift towards learning to live with it. This involves grieving for what we have lost, whilst realising that in the real life of a world pandemic, we could not continue to remain free and closed off from the Virus, the rest of the world, and other States within Australia. 

Allow reactions 

The past two years have seen us face trauma after trauma, with one horror being replaced by another, before having time to absorb the reality of the first. Bush fires on top of drought, a sickening mouse plague, and all of the tragedy and changes that Covid 19 has thrown at us.

So there are times when we have needed to pause and allow ourselves to react, to grieve, to become angry at injustice, to identify a sense of panic, and to offload our feelings/ have melt-downs. Suppressing, bottling up and denying reactions is never helpful.

Fear of what may happen is harder to live with than reality

When we harbour fears about "what ifs" our minds are dealing with myriad imaginations and possibilities, whereas when the thing that we have feared actually arrives, there is only one reality to deal with, and we are no longer living in that state of anxiety which is about waiting for the axe to fall.

Survival mode and daily living

Living with the thing we have feared puts us into survival mode and a focus on the present, rather than fear of the future. Our lives and ways of daily living are much the same, whilst acknowledging the challenges and restrictions of lock-downs, apart from the risk taking involved when we need to leave home to undertake essential tasks. Life is essentially the same, and it is only our thoughts that are different.

Of course, I acknowledge that I am writing this from the perspective of someone who is retired and spending most of my time at home, and that for others time away from home will be more extensive and carry more risk.

Break the numbers down

Having watched the daily case numbers grow in NSW over the past months to a really alarming level, it can be easy to feel terrified. However a look at a Postcode heat map reveals that there are still many places with low or zero cases across NSW, even in Sydney. This new perspective is helpful when it all begins to feel too overwhelming.

Fresh air to clear the head

We need time to re-engage with meaningful living when going through such times, and a good way to clear our heads to do this, is to go out into the fresh air to walk, to sit, to refill our lungs, to view the sky, to engage with nature and to experience surroundings unaffected by Covid 19.

Remember: The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. Elisabeth Kubler Ross

Just do the next thing

 In current times it can be difficult to stay focused and motivated and, instead, we can just drift into letting days flow slowly past in a state of brain fog. When this happens, I have found it helpful to go into "just do the next thing" mode to maintain some sense of achievement in my days. The benefits of this can be as follows:

It doesn't matter how long a task takes

This approach allows us to just continue on with something, taking as long as we need to do each step, with each step becoming the next thing to do. It is surprising how much gets done, as it encourages us to remain active.

It reduces procrastination

Because we are actually doing something, we move on from procrastination, and have some aims and goals to achieve.

The pressure is taken away

Instead of feeling overwhelmed, we can steadily work through one task after another at a pace that suits us. It is interesting how just writing a "to do" list and crossing a couple of things off can make us feel less pressured, even if there are many more tasks listed. 

Anxiety is reduced

Being active reduces the unhelpful chains of thinking produced by anxiety, as does the sense of achievement as each task is completed. Our thoughts can re-focus on the task instead of random, uncontrolled thoughts and worries.

Regular routines can be incorporated

These can become part of the tasks we do one at a time, as we "just do the next thing" that needs to be done.

Or we can just stay in randomness 

If structure is too difficult because of where our mind-state is at, it is possible to just do one task and then just find another after it is completed, without any pre-defined plan. The secret is just to keep active.

A caution 

It may be necessary to have a background "to do" list to refer to from time to time, so that some important tasks are not forgotten.

Remember: Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities. Harvey MacKay

When the walls start closing in

 Today I have read articles about how we are only at the half-way point of the marathon of living with Covid 19 and, in Australia, our hopes for a better 2021 have been dashed by new outbreaks and concerns about the new more contagious variant of the Virus. All of this can leave us feeling that the walls are closing in again, especially if we have been placed in lock-down or been told to isolate due to places we have unwittingly visited. It can feel a bit like groundhog day! 

However, these are some of the things which I have found helpful when I have felt the walls beginning to close in on me:

Looking out

Fear and anxiety can cause us to become stuck looking inwards at our own reactions, so if we can reach out towards others instead, this can change our perspective. Remembering that we are not alone, that the whole world (or even just our community) is in this together, finding mutual ways to support and comfort people we know, and having empathy for others, can all help us to look outwards instead of inwards.

Looking up

I love looking up at the skies (in all the diverse and constantly changing moods), and up into the canopies of trees, to places that are Covid 19 free, where birds continue to fly free without being weighed down by the problems of the earth. It is good to be reminded that there are worlds above our troubled existence.

Giving it to God

When it all becomes too much, I am reminded that there is a God who has this in His care, who is watching over us, and providing us with comfort, protection and strength, if we but reach out to Him. So many things are too difficult to control, make sense of, or resolve -- and these I put in my "too hard" basket, and then give it to God. We can also pray for others, no matter where they are, and recently I have discovered that it is helpful to pray through news bulletins. 

Changing deprivations and restrictions into acts of love

Earlier in the Pandemic I realised that practicing social distancing, wearing masks, sanitising hands and respecting the rules was actually about giving to others, rather than depriving ourselves. This can make a huge difference to living in fear (which is about looking inwards at ourselves) and is another way of re-focusing outwards.

Remember: Healing isn't about overcoming the pain; it's living despite it. Hannah Blum

My year of healing: part one: personal healing

In January last year I came across the concept of setting intentions rather than goals, with encouragement to choose an intention word for the year. My choice was "working towards healing" (as I felt that "healing" on its own would put too much pressure on me). I also broke this into two parts: personal healing, and healing the planet.

As I now reflect back on 2019, I can see the progress that I have made in both areas, and the wonderful resources I have been led to along the way. These are the resources I would like to share now.

Mindfulness Courses

Having discovered the Left Brain Buddha Website and Blog the previous year, I was delighted when its author, Sarah Rudell Beach offered a free course "Love your 2019" in January, which encouraged looking at our values, practising gratitude, self care, grounding, forgiveness and intentions, as well as meditation exercises and the basics of Mindfulness. I followed this with another of her free courses: "Mindfulness 101" before deciding to delve deeper and pay for her "Brilliant Mindful You" package. 

All of these have been of great benefit to my journey through personal healing from childhood issues, and I have valued the abundant resources generously offered on her Blog and Website, which can be found at: https://leftbrainbuddha.com

Meditation Resource

Left Brain Buddha led me to a great source of hundreds of free Meditation Exercises, and I have formed a new habit of starting each morning with ones I have bookmarked. Over time I have found that I have become calmer, less anxious and more laid back. This source is Insight Timer, which can be accessed here: https://insighttimer.com

Gratitude App

Gratitude Happiness Journal is a free app for i phones and includes the ability to write a daily gratitude entry (and to illustrate this with a photo), daily affirmations, and other functions (which I have not really used). I was making this a daily evening habit, but now have so many entries that I add them less frequently. However I now have an instant resource on my phone, which I can access when I need to be reminded of the positives in my life. The App can be found at:

https://apps.apple.com/nz/app/gratitude-happiness-journal/id1372575227

I also happened upon a lovely Gratitude Journal by Melanie Spears, as I glanced in a shop window in Dubbo, when we were returning home from one of our visits to grandchildren, and managed to order this year's version from Booktopia. Each day allows for multiple entries of things we are grateful for and has pages for the setting of intentions for the month, and all the pages are beautifully illustrated. I have kept to a daily practice of recording the things I am grateful for, and have found this to be very helpful too. The original home of the diary is here: https://givingthanks.com.au

Abuse from a Narcissist

Insight Timer led me to some Meditations by Katharine A Chestnut and, in particular, one that reflects on how a Narcissist Abuser can steal our song of self-confidence, as they have no song of their own. I have found this metaphor to be extremely helpful when dealing with my mother, who still tries to steal my song, as she had done for most of my life. This Meditation is titled "When did you stop singing", and I am intending to pursue Narcissistic Abuse further this year so that I can gain further insight.

I hope that if you read this blog, you will find some of these resources helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts on them.

Remember: Hope smiles from the thresh-hold of the year to come, whispering "it will be happier...." Gratitude App.

Walking through the rain

On a recent visit to the Warrumbungles National Park we experienced some showery days but, having come to unwind with some bush-walking, we chose to still venture forth. One of our walks was up to Tara Cave, an Aboriginal Site where grinding grooves could be seen in the rock. However, the walk itself, through showers of rain, had me thinking about finding the strength to walk through the rainy times in our lives – times of personal struggles when life becomes more challenging.

Crossing slippery rocks. During these times we need to navigate with more care.

Staying on the pathway. We need to find a way through our experiences and persevere, believing that we will get through them.

Being aware and present. At these times we need to try to stay focused on now, rather than the past or the future, taking one careful step at a time and being mindful of our surroundings.

Seeing the broader vistas. Widening our viewpoint and feeling part of a larger picture may help us through these times.

Tapping into ancient wisdom. Inner strength comes from former experiences and the wisdom of others.

Taking care on slippery boardwalks. Self-care becomes important too, as well as insight into threats and dangers.

Cloudy and softened vistas. Seeking comfort and time-out from the starkness of the experience helps us to survive.

Seeing the rainbows. Difficult times are often learning experiences that can strengthen our characters.

Feeling cleansed. After we have made it through the rain, we may feel cleansed and renewed.

Puddles left behind. We can leave the residues of the experiences behind us and move on into a new day.

Remember: The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.       Socrates

When life creates the perfect storm

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed by challenges, reactions, disappointments, reminders of traumas etc. that we feel like we are drowning. At these times I find the metaphor of the perfect storm to be helpful, as it describes the situation perfectly, but allows us to step back from it with a metaphor.

 I am not talking about current experiences of grief and trauma here (they are more like being caught up in a cyclone), but when a series of things that we could normally handle on their own, all come together one after the other before we have a chance to recover from the first one.

When we feel like we are drowning

During the “storm”, waves wash over us, and just when we come up for air, another wave often hits. These waves represent the reactions we have to the challenges, traumas, disappointments etc. and they often come in sets, allowing us little time to recover before being swamped by another. Once we are battered, even the small waves can cause hurt.  At these times we might just need to let ourselves react and understand why we are feeling this way. This is a time of survival and offloading.

What are our anchors

There may be people and/ or strategies that act as anchors for us during the “storm”, so that we are not completely washed away by it. We may use these consciously, or find that on reflection later, we can recognise their existence.

Islands of refuge/ respite

Be aware of opportunities (however short) for time out from the “storm”, even when it is not yet over. Life is a mixture of experiences and offers good moments here and there, even when we are feeling overwhelmed by challenges and difficulties.

Storms eventually ease

We have not reached the shore until the effects of the “storm” have eased and we begin to feel safer. But it is helpful to remember that even perfect storms do not last forever and eventually will pass, leaving us to recover and begin to look ahead again.

Afterwards

We need to be kind and compassionate with ourselves once we reach the shore, as we will still be bruised and battered. This is a time for comfort, for allowing ourselves to externalise reactions and for engaging in some self-care.

There are two useful questions to reflect on once we have reached the shore and begin to recover, and these are:

• What have we learnt from the storm?
• What clouds were gathering before the storm hit? (Signs that it might be coming).

Remember: God won't take it away, but God will give you the peace to get through it (Touched by an Angel DVD)

Being re-traumatised

Last week I found myself unexpectedly re-traumatised back to childhood issues, by an encounter that triggered reactions. At first I thought I was OK, but then strong feelings, reactions and thoughts told me that the incident had definitely re-traumatised me. I think that quite often re-traumatisation does creep up on people, as we automatically go into protection/ defence and/or detachment mode to get through the trigger.

These are the things that I have found helpful in beginning to recover:

Give yourself time

I find that reminding myself that it often takes 2 weeks for trauma reactions to ease, helps. The most intense reactions will be in the first week, and I know that they will gradually become less dominant in my life as the days pass. It also is a reminder that I am not going crazy.

Externalise the reactions

It is unhelpful to let thoughts and feelings keep swirling in our heads, as we are allowing ourselves to be easily sucked into whirlpool thoughts. I needed to unburden to a supportive person, but could have used offload writing to get them out of my head, so that I could then process them.

An entry on whirlpool thoughts can be found here:
http://reflectionsofaruralsocialworker.blogspot.com/2015/04/whirlpool-thinking.html

And on offload writing here:
http://reflectionsofaruralsocialworker.blogspot.com/2015/08/offload-writing.html

Do something creative and/or reaffirming

I once listened to an episode of "Conversations" with Richard Fidler, where the lady being interviewed was talking about her experiences with depression, and how she cooked her way out of it. She had not engaged in counselling or drug therapy and this gave me pause for thought.

During the last week I have found that continuing to sew Christmas gifts, process produce from the garden (that I have grown) and engage in creative cooking, have all given me moments of believing in myself again and these have begun to take over from the outbursts of reactions. I think that is is very important to re-find our true selves after being re-traumatised, as trauma turns us into people we are really not, behaving in ways that are not usual for us.

Give to others

This is an excellent way of re-focusing our thoughts and re-connecting with living after being re-traumatised. I like the ideas about 24 days of random acts of kindness in the lead up to Christmas and, although this has not been possible for me this year, I have been more conscious of reaching out to others with a supportive card and note, helping with toys for needy children and engaging in projects that give to others. 

Remember: You have the right to be less than perfect. God made us human, so we're allowed to be human. ("Touched by an Angel" TV Series)