The woman on the tightrope: stepping across the tightrope

The journey from leaving violence and moving towards re-building lives can be like stepping carefully across a shaky tightrope.

The group-work session based on the tightrope: finding balance and confidence 

Group discussion is based on the following questions:

Part one: getting onto the tightrope

1.  How does it feel to be on the tightrope?

The feelings of the women in the Women's Support Group included; mad, angry, disgusted and stirred up again; angry and alone; like I'm on shaky ground and that I have unhelpful messages and disapproval in my head from childhood; angry that others are trying to tell me what to do.

They also noted that anger gives us energy to act and step onto the tightrope and that here we tend to be alone because we have to concentrate on ourselves and where we are stepping in order to maintain balance.

2.  Many women find that they may have started along the tightrope and then moved back to the relationship, only to step out again later on. Some women find that they move forward and back a number of times. From your experiences, what things have sent you back to these relationships and/ or made it difficult to step onto the tightrope?  

The women in the group shared that these things have sent them back: fear of being alone; lack of confidence and self-esteem; lack of support from others; isolation; being too afraid to talk or seek help; despair; being mind-numbed and unable to think; having to put too much energy onto surviving so none is left for making changes.

Part two: courage

1.  What things have given is the courage to step onto the tightrope?

Courage was identified by the women as having come from: counselling; support from friends; being heard; having some confidence and self-esteem, insight; courage; deciding that we don't want to live like this any more; knowing we deserve better; hope.

2. What "snacks of courage" do we need to carry in our backpacks to help us along the tightrope?

The women listed these as their "snacks of courage": confidence; knowing the we can take the next step; love and support from family and friends; relaxation/ time out; encouragement from others; being able to challenge unhelpful messages from the past and recognise where they have come from; knowing that life is a challenge and not having unrealistic expectations; belief in self. 

Part three: confidence and belief in ourselves

1.  Holding onto confidence and belief in ourselves can make the tightrope less shaky for us, and help us stay balanced on it. What things can help us to hang onto confidence and belief in ourselves?

These were the thoughts of the women in the group: listening to helpful voices around us instead of unhelpful ones; tapping into our own knowledge and experience; trusting in our instinct; building a positive self-image; dropping the unhelpful labels we put on ourselves; not being fooled by media images; self-care by exercising, staying healthy, relaxation and eating nutritious food; going for walks; positive thoughts; hope for the future; learning new skills.

2. The women were given the worksheet below and asked to think of some images or other words for confidence and to place these around the star.

Words chosen by the women were: creative; hope; sureness; certainty; sense of achievement; positive and images included: guide dog; rock climber; police/ fireman; doctor; cats and dogs; birds like eagles, kookaburras, pelicans, swans, owls and pigeons.

3.  From your experiences:

      (a) What things can get in the way of your confidence or make it grow smaller?

      (b) What helps your confidence grow bigger?

The women said that these things reduce their confidence: negativity; lack of self-acceptance; negative and abusive people; being unhealthy; remembering past bad experiences; unhelpful messages from others; depression and anxiety; panic; tiredness and exhaustion.

And these were the things that help their confidence grow: being happy; living in the present; not dwelling on the past; overcoming depression; all the things listed above that help us hang onto confidence and belief in ourselves.

4.  What strengths do we have to help us take each step across the tightrope?

The women in the group saw themselves as having these strengths: courage; confidence; carefulness; friendship -- being around friends and in company; resilience; love -- from others; transformation -- into a person we like better and living our own lives (not the lives of others); adventure -- trying new things/ learning; independence; self-encouragement; insight -- the truth will set us free.