When life creates the perfect storm

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed by challenges, reactions, disappointments, reminders of traumas etc. that we feel like we are drowning. At these times I find the metaphor of the perfect storm to be helpful, as it describes the situation perfectly, but allows us to step back from it with a metaphor.

 I am not talking about current experiences of grief and trauma here (they are more like being caught up in a cyclone), but when a series of things that we could normally handle on their own, all come together one after the other before we have a chance to recover from the first one.

When we feel like we are drowning

During the “storm”, waves wash over us, and just when we come up for air, another wave often hits. These waves represent the reactions we have to the challenges, traumas, disappointments etc. and they often come in sets, allowing us little time to recover before being swamped by another. Once we are battered, even the small waves can cause hurt.  At these times we might just need to let ourselves react and understand why we are feeling this way. This is a time of survival and offloading.

What are our anchors

There may be people and/ or strategies that act as anchors for us during the “storm”, so that we are not completely washed away by it. We may use these consciously, or find that on reflection later, we can recognise their existence.

Islands of refuge/ respite

Be aware of opportunities (however short) for time out from the “storm”, even when it is not yet over. Life is a mixture of experiences and offers good moments here and there, even when we are feeling overwhelmed by challenges and difficulties.

Storms eventually ease

We have not reached the shore until the effects of the “storm” have eased and we begin to feel safer. But it is helpful to remember that even perfect storms do not last forever and eventually will pass, leaving us to recover and begin to look ahead again.

Afterwards

We need to be kind and compassionate with ourselves once we reach the shore, as we will still be bruised and battered. This is a time for comfort, for allowing ourselves to externalise reactions and for engaging in some self-care.

There are two useful questions to reflect on once we have reached the shore and begin to recover, and these are:

• What have we learnt from the storm?
• What clouds were gathering before the storm hit? (Signs that it might be coming).

Remember: God won't take it away, but God will give you the peace to get through it (Touched by an Angel DVD)