The woman on the tightrope: the children Part 2

Cathy Humphreys has written extensively about supporting the mother-child relationship when women and children have experienced domestic violence.

It is important not to stereotype

She says it is important not to stereotype all mother-child relationships as damaged or to see the situation as wholly negative. Children have reported that mothers are the single most important source of help and support, and mothers and children may develop protective strategies together.

Articles can be found on these links:

Domestic Violence and Child Protection: challenging directions for practice 
http://www.adfvc.unsw.edu.au/documents/IssuesPaper_13.pdf

Children and Domestic Violence
http://burnside.slimlib.com.au:81/docs/ChldnDomViol.pdf

Ways the relationship may be damaged

Cathy says that harm may occur from:

• Attacks on, and undermining of, the relationships and communication between mothers and children
• Insulting and criticising mothers in front of children (which undermines their respect for her)
• Preventing mothers from attending to children or demanding all her attention so that she is unable to attend to them
• Disabling the mother physically and/ or depriving her of sleep so she is unavailable to children (she may be in hospital or bed)
• Abuse resulting in mental health problems like depression, anxiety and trauma, leaving mothers with few resources for parenting
• Distressed/ reactive children can be demanding to care for and may take out their anger and distress on their mother
• Normal adult-child roles may have been reversed if children have tried to protect their mother
• Children may be directly abused
• Lives may have been disrupted by frequent moves, changes of school, loss of friends and loss of community

Helping relationships heal

She promotes five areas of activities and these are to:

• Build self-esteem and confidence
• Identify and talk about feelings
• Stay safe
• Strengthen communication with mother
• Talk about aspects of lives previously clouded by secrecy

A great resource

Cathy and her colleagues have produced a book Talking to my Mum: a picture workbook for workers, mothers and children and it can be sourced by following this link: 

http://www.booktopia.com.au/talking-to-my-mum-ravi-k-thiara/prod9781843104223.html