Offload writing

I have often encouraged clients to use this process to manage unwanted thoughts and feelings, and I have found it useful to do myself.

Writing is always available

Writing is something that can be done at any time and in any place, and is there when there are no support people available. It is quiet, cheap and portable and can help us to offload thoughts and emotions so that we can identify why we are feeling as we are, and what we might need to do as a result.

Overcoming barriers to writing

Past bad experiences with writing, like having someone read our private diary or having our written work criticised at school, may make us think that writing is not for us. Offload writing, however, is different to this as there are no rules about spelling and grammar or composition, and we are only writing for ourselves. We need to forget everything we have been told about writing.

How to do it

Take just one piece of paper that is about one quarter of the size of an A4 sheet and use only this sheet, writing over the top of things already written (again and again if needed). This way we will not be tempted to re-read what we have already written (re-filling our minds) and no-one else will be able to read it either.

We need to choose a time and place where we won’t be interrupted for about half an hour – having a time limit make help us to feel more comfortable, but we can take as long as we want to. It is a good idea to continue for as long as we need to, just putting our thoughts and feelings down on paper as they come. Continue until there is a shift in thoughts or feelings. We can just write words alone and any words we like – full sentences are not needed.

When feeling stuck, just write this for a while – and this usually frees us up to write more.

What to do afterwards

We will end up with a piece of unintelligible scribble that is easy to tear up and throw away, as we tell ourselves that we are now letting go of these thoughts and feelings.

If the process has given us new insights that are worth recording, we can do this now in a journal.

Then we need to follow this activity with doing something comforting and/ or enjoyable for ourselves.

My journey into retirement 2

Five months along the journey, a new way of life is being established for me and I have moved on from the sense of loss I wrote about four months ago.

Life is full but less crowded

My days are still full of tasks, but they can be done at my pace and in my time rather than to deadlines set by others. Whilst I was engaged in full-time work many other tasks were pushed into the background, but these have now come to the foreground, and I am gradually tackling them in a fairly ad-hoc manner. It feels good not having to be so organised.

Easing into a new "normal"

The way I am spending my days post-retirement is now beginning to feel more normal, although this has taken some adjustment. New "normal" is much more relaxed and flexible and, although I initially needed routines to have a sense of purpose, I no longer have an urge to stick to them if I choose to do other things.

Life challenges still continue

The very nature of life ensures that challenges will occur, especially when very elderly parents and very young grandchildren are part of our lives. However I now find that I have time to process the challenges, once I have allowed myself time to react, and this is resulting in more wisdom and insight (a lot of useful thinking can occur whilst weeding the gardens or walking the two kilometres to and from the mailbox).

Needing to protect "freedom to"

Although I have mostly moved on from being conscious of "freedom from" (although a reminder is sometimes useful), I know that some people can invite me to give up my "freedom to" in order that their needs are met at the expense of mine, and I can find myself giving in without consciously realising what I am doing until it is too late. My challenge here is to learn to recognise this whilst negotiation is still possible, and this is a work in progress.

Life continues to be interesting!

Managing welfare tasks in Social Work

The 2008 AASW Australian Social Work Education and Accreditation Standards state:

The expected outcome of Social Work Practice is that the needs of the clients and service users are met, their potential is developed and their control over their lives is fostered.

We also know that the Social Work profession is about addressing the whole person in their environment with their multifaceted and complex issues, rather than just one particular identified “problem”.

Is the client able to do this for themselves?

Assess the client’s ability to do things for themselves and encourage them to engage in activities that can be performed by them. This will empower the client and places responsibility back on them to manage their lives. They may need some support and guidance in undertaking these activities, in which case we are “teaching them how to fish” rather than making them dependant on us by “giving them fish”.

Can another agency better service a particular need?

I believe that it is remiss of us to provide services to clients ourselves when another service sector has more expertise than we do e.g. with legal issues, financial issues and tenancy issues.

Direct services to clients vs. consultancy role

Where the client is being primarily serviced by another worker it may be more appropriate to act as a consultant to that worker, in relation to a practical assistance need, rather than to take on the client just to address that need. By doing this we can increase the knowledge base of the other worker and, if they have judged the client and/ or sent them to us without ascertaining whether or not the client needs or desires our service, we can dialogue about this so that referrals are handled more appropriately in the future.

Types of welfare roles

1. Linking and referral – to agencies, appropriate resources and programs that will meet the client’s psycho-social needs – we may write letters of support or summaries of client’s issues to assist with this process.
2. Advocacy – with and for clients in relation to rights and resources – we can assist with preparation, providing resources and giving feedback on performance – we need to inform clients of their rights.
3. Support and encouragement – to explore alternatives and consider new approaches to problems.
4. Information and education – provide access to accurate, relevant and up to date information – it may be necessary to counteract inaccurate “popular belief” information.
5. Networking and liaising – with other agencies so as to understand the local service system and the duplications and gaps in services – to work with other agencies to challenge unfair systems and to address gaps in services.
6. Considering the issue in the context of the client’s life and capacity.
7. Giving clients a voice by encouraging them to engage with opportunities to tell their stories in relation to social justice issues.

Remember: the emphasis is on encouraging the client to take control of the process in order to meet their needs in a way that increases their sense of empowerment.

Comfort Corner 3

These recipes for Mushrooms and Neenish Tarts are another example of an old classic kept from a magazine cutting (1967) that is worth sharing and preserving. I make these when I want to add something special to a celebration, and they keep well in the freezer. The pastry is a favourite of mine as it tastes great, but is also easy to roll and work with.

The other thing that I am reminded of is the sense of satisfaction that I have when I see the finished product and know that it is all my own work. So too, clients can have a similar feeling if we guide them in doing things for themselves, rather than taking over and doing things for them – we may be denying them the experience of  a sense of achievement if we don’t allow them this opportunity.

Pastry

150 g butter or substitute

1/3 cup sugar

2 eggs

2 cups plain flour

½ cup corn flour

½ teaspoon baking powder

Cream butter and sugar until white and fluffy. Add eggs and beat well. Fold in sifted dry ingredients. Chill a few hours, wrapped in plastic wrap. Knead a little before using, roll out thinly on a floured board and cut into fluted rounds with a floured cutter (it helps to sprinkle flour on the rolling pin too). Fill into tartlet tins and prick with a fork. Bake in a moderately hot oven 10 to 15 minutes.

This recipe will make at least 36 pastry shells, and the pastry left over from cutting a batch of rounds can be re-rolled and cut to make more.

Mushrooms

Cut out stems from left over pastry and bake these with the cases (I sit them on the flat spaces between the indentations on the tray).

When cold, place a small spoonful of jam in each cooked tart shell.  Cream 2 tablespoons of butter until soft, gradually adding 2 cups of icing sugar and 2 tablespoons milk. Beat until smooth. Add dash of vanilla. Fill into pastry cases (on top of jam). Place a small stem in the centre of each tart. Sprinkle with cinnamon

Neenish tarts

Mix 1 cup coconut, 4 tablespoons icing sugar, 1 egg yolk, 1 tablespoon condensed milk and 2 drops almond essence together to a smooth and soft consistency. Fill into cold baked pastry shells. Ice half of each top with white icing and the other half with chocolate (or carob) icing.

Bask in a glow of satisfaction and achievement as you enjoy these little treats.

The woman on the tightrope: the children Part 2

Cathy Humphreys has written extensively about supporting the mother-child relationship when women and children have experienced domestic violence.

It is important not to stereotype

She says it is important not to stereotype all mother-child relationships as damaged or to see the situation as wholly negative. Children have reported that mothers are the single most important source of help and support, and mothers and children may develop protective strategies together.

Articles can be found on these links:

Domestic Violence and Child Protection: challenging directions for practice 
http://www.adfvc.unsw.edu.au/documents/IssuesPaper_13.pdf

Children and Domestic Violence
http://burnside.slimlib.com.au:81/docs/ChldnDomViol.pdf

Ways the relationship may be damaged

Cathy says that harm may occur from:

• Attacks on, and undermining of, the relationships and communication between mothers and children
• Insulting and criticising mothers in front of children (which undermines their respect for her)
• Preventing mothers from attending to children or demanding all her attention so that she is unable to attend to them
• Disabling the mother physically and/ or depriving her of sleep so she is unavailable to children (she may be in hospital or bed)
• Abuse resulting in mental health problems like depression, anxiety and trauma, leaving mothers with few resources for parenting
• Distressed/ reactive children can be demanding to care for and may take out their anger and distress on their mother
• Normal adult-child roles may have been reversed if children have tried to protect their mother
• Children may be directly abused
• Lives may have been disrupted by frequent moves, changes of school, loss of friends and loss of community

Helping relationships heal

She promotes five areas of activities and these are to:

• Build self-esteem and confidence
• Identify and talk about feelings
• Stay safe
• Strengthen communication with mother
• Talk about aspects of lives previously clouded by secrecy

A great resource

Cathy and her colleagues have produced a book Talking to my Mum: a picture workbook for workers, mothers and children and it can be sourced by following this link: 

http://www.booktopia.com.au/talking-to-my-mum-ravi-k-thiara/prod9781843104223.html

The woman on the tightrope: the children

When working with children who have lived with domestic violence we can face the dilemma of choosing between a child protection focus, or a focus on assisting the mother who has experienced domestic violence.

Helpful training

 A number of years ago I attended a workshop conducted by Chris Burke and found this to be extremely useful in navigating my way out of this dilemma. She pointed out that a zoom in lens on one or the other will limit our vision, and instead we need to use a double lens or landscape approach that addresses both of these focuses simultaneously and avoids contributing to the “invisible man” syndrome (we can inadvertently do this by ignoring the power and responsibility imbalances – see post on Power and Responsibility on 11^th May 2015).

She said that a double lens/ landscape perspective will address:

• Safety and protection of children
• Empowerment and safety of women, and
• Accountability of the perpetrator for the violence

Information on Chris can be found on:

http://gracieproductions.com.au/chris-burke-profile.htm

Preparing a workshop

A few years ago a colleague, Danielle, and myself drafted a workshop on this topic for a Local Health District Domestic Violence Forum, but it was never presented due to miscommunication about the program, so I would like to share our thoughts and ideas here.

Introduction

In this we emphasized (in the words of Danielle) that although we have a responsibility to report when there is violence in the home, our main aim and responsibility is to support those at risk and do no further harm. We also cannot ignore the involvement of the perpetrator.

We know that leaving is not always possible, realistic or safe, so safety is the most important aspect.

We need a landscape view rather than being limited to a “child only” focus or “mother only” focus, especially as we know that children’s recovery is linked to mothers coping. Otherwise we are creating more risk.

Taking a landscape view

We came up with this diagram to summarise our research and provide an outline of the main points we needed to cover, and used it along with the graphic of the Woman on the tightrope.

 Impacts and needs for the woman/ mother

Negative impacts can include: depression, anxiety, self-loathing and not trusting own judgement (and many more), but they can also be active problem solvers, use acts of resistance, reach turning points and use pathways and enablers.

They need empowerment, support to acknowledge the impact on their children (not criticism) and support to change or enable them to take new pathways safely. Don’t pathologise, but acknowledge the trauma, and don’t put all the responsibility for the violence on the mother.

Impacts and needs for the children

There is evidence of risks of harm for children living with domestic violence, and these are diverse. However there is not a linear cause and effect – some children are fine and have learnt amazing resilience skills. We need to look at the protective context too.

They need to not be pathologised, to be kept safe and to be acknowledged for the things they have done to protect themselves and others.  Divided loyalties between Mum and Dad need to be processed safely and respectfully. Children need to be safe before counselling is offered; otherwise they may receive conflicting messages.

Impacts and needs for the relationship between mother and child

Living with domestic violence undermines parenting, and children’s recovery is linked to their mother’s recovery. Both may have learned survivorship and not all relationships are damaged.

Mothers need to be supported to protect children and we need to support and re-build mother-child relationships.

General intervention and pitfalls to avoid

Things we can do include:

• build on strengths and survival strategies
• focus on safety for both mother and children/ assist them in making safety plans
• avoid women and children feeling blamed or putting responsibility for the violence on the mother
• not pathologise behaviour, but acknowledge trauma
• counter, rather than reinforce, the power and responsibility dynamics
• acknowledge the dangers around separation
• encourage the building of strong relationships between mothers and children
• listen and support those at risk as they travel on their journey across the tightrope

The most important question we need to ask is: 

ARE WOMEN AND CHILDREN SAFER AS A RESULT OF THIS INTERVENTION?

Working with perpetrators

Working with perpetrators of domestic violence is a very specialist area and requires the following of specific guidelines. When I was working for NSW Health our policies stated that were not to work with perpetrators on perpetrator issues (e.g. anger management and relationship issues) as our focus needed to be on intervention with victims.

So, although I do not have specific skills to work with perpetrators, I have attended seminars and am aware of appropriate guidelines and resources for working with perpetrators, and these I would like to share.

General approaches

One of the most helpful seminars I attended was a presentation by Greg Yee (a Relationship Therapist in private practice) entitled Do Perpetrator Programs work?  This was part of a Domestic Violence Forum in Dubbo in 2010, and Greg has worked with perpetrators over a number of years.

He said that group perpetrator programs done well and right have a place to play, but if they are not done well they cause more harm than good. If the program is not working then it needs to be disbanded immediately. Programs are not to men but for them. It is not helping them to allow them to get away with their behaviour – the criminal justice response is an important component of the program.

He uses a group program based on a Duluth model by Pense and Palmer that aims to stop violence and control via key attitudinal shifts, and for participants to change and become someone they like rather than to get their family back together. Participants need to jump through hoops to demonstrate that they really want to change, rather than avoid consequences of the criminal justice system. Only 10 – 15 % of those who do his program change.

He outlined the following as being elements that create the best opportunity for effective intervention:

1. The safety of women and children is not dependent on the perpetrator changing.
2. Perpetrators need to experience consequences for violent behaviour (AVOs, legal consequences, leaving the family home and not being given a time frame).
3. It is essential to engage with the female partner and have her active participation.
4. Needs to address patriarchy and belief systems of entitlement and male privilege (anger management, improving communication and stress relief are not appropriate).
5. Experienced and skilled workers who understand the complexities of domestic violence.

 More information can be found about Greg on this website:

http://www.karunacentre.com.au/greg-yee.html

Documents outlining standards for men’s behaviour change programs

NSW Health Information Bulletin IB2014_003 Domestic violence – men’s behaviour change programs (this includes Minimum standards for men’s behaviour change programs NSW Attorney General & Justice):
http://www0.health.nsw.gov.au/policies/ib/2014/pdf/IB2014_003.pdf

A great resource

The Victorian government has produced this excellent and comprehensive resource under its No to Violence strategy: Mens Behaviour Change Group Work: Resources for Quality Practice, and it can be found on this link:

http://www.dhs.vic.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0004/581602/mens-behaviour-change-quality-practice-resources.pdf

Some on-line resources for men

Self-help booklets and guides for men who want to change are available from the Freedom from Fear Campaign (Western Australia):

www.dcp.wa.gov.au/CrisisandEmergency/FDV/Pages/PublicationsAndResources.aspx

The NSW Mens Referral Service (MRS) is for men whose behaviour is causing problems for their relationships or family and provides information and referrals:

www.mrs.org.au

Bubbles always burst

The highs of life are moments that don’t endure forever. They can give us pleasant memories to sustain us through the more difficult times, but most of our daily life is lived in the realms of the ordinary.

Some other metaphors

When we were at Karijini National Park in the Pilbara in Western Australia we attended a service conducted by Judy, a pastor from Frontier Services. She talked about how the rivers here flow underground under sand, but emerge in a few places of exquisite beauty (which, I further reflected, have been fashioned by the forces of erosion).

She went on to say that the life-force of these places is still ever present flowing under the desert sand and this is what is sustaining, rather than the areas of spectacular environment, which we only visit briefly.  Although she likened this to our spiritual lives, in that most of the time we are walking through desert, I think that this applies to life in general.

A second metaphor she used was the Spinifex Ant, who discards the husks from the seeds and leaves them in piles at the entrance to the nest, taking only the useful parts of the seeds down into the nest. This too can be applied to our lives if we spend more time feeding it with meaningful and sustainable things instead of seeking the froth and bubble of life.

Highs can become ordinary

When highs become part of usual experiences they may no longer be highs. We may no longer take in beautiful/ spectacular environments with a sense of “oh wow” feelings when we see them all the time (or, in some cases, even for the second time). It is the same with life experiences of highs, and when they are over we are often left with a sense of being let down, and then try to seek more, only to have this repeat over and over. This does not bring us lasting happiness.

Trying to make bubbles last longer

Adding artificial substances like glycerine can prolong the life of bubbles, but they still eventually burst. Some people try to artificially prolong, or induce, life bubbles through the use of drugs, only to find that this does not make them last forever either.

Remember: Just as the highs don’t last forever, neither do the lows.

Taking a mini-vacation to Leven Canyon

I have always enjoyed reading “armchair travel” books, as they have allowed me to do things like climb Mt Everest (and other high peaks) without altitude sickness or oxygen deprivation, trek through the Andes with a donkey without enduring bed bugs at night, and to visit remote and isolated corners of the world without the expense and the danger – all, of course, in my imagination.

So I thought I would take you on a walk on a special day to one of Tasmania’s awesome places, minus aching calf muscles and damp clothes, and hope that you can use this to take a mini-vacation from mundane tasks.

We begin by enjoying the ice scattered across the grass of the car park after a very recent hail storm, and as we begin our walk along a fairly level track into the rainforest, we notice piles of ice by the side of the track and in the centre of tree ferns.

Continuing on through the beautiful rainforest, which is crowded with tree ferns sheltering other ferns, we regularly pass sturdy wooden bench seats with the distances in metres, both to the lookout and back to the car park, carved into their backs, and this gives us some sense of progress.

When we reach the lookout over the Canyon, it is raining lightly, but we are dressed in wet weather gear and stand in awe of the views around and below us. Wisps of mist decorate the upper canyon walls and deep below us the waters of the Leven River roar in a brown swirling flood over rocks, leaving patches of white foam at its edges.

Now we walk down more than 600 steps, and this time the wooden bench seats have the numbers of steps, both up and down, carved into their backs. The rainforest continues to surround us, still thick with ferns and moss, closing us into its enchanted world.

We reach another lower lookout over the Canyon and a closer view of the wild cascades, leaping in freedom around the bends in the river.

Having come down all those steps, the track now takes us upwards through more rainforest, where we can take a closer look when we take puff stops along the way. We notice:

                         The mist in the forest at the edge of the Canyon

                          Water dripping from the ends of palm fronds

                            Moss covered rocks

                             Small ferns growing on tree trunks

                             And tiny fungi

Back at the car park we observe that most of the hail has now melted, and realise that we have just experienced this place in a special moment in time.