Going with the flow

We are often advised to "go with the flow" as a stress management strategy, but what does this really mean? My husband and I like to go for paddles in our kayak when the opportunity arises on our travels, and our experiences have given me other perspectives on what can happen when we "go with the flow".

Not struggling against the current

The Oxford Dictionary defines "go with the flow" as follows: be relaxed and accept a situation rather than trying to alter or control it, and there are times in life when this may be a useful thing to do. Sometimes we can use all our efforts and energy trying to struggle against the flow only to end up realising that we are not achieving anything, and feeling like we are "bashing our heads against a brick wall".

The conundrum here however is in the well known saying:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and  wisdom to know the difference.

What about when the flow takes us to difficult and/ or dangerous patches?

If we use the metaphor of life being like a river that has obstacles, white water, rapids and currents, slow and shallow sections, shoals where we can become stuck, the danger of being swept out to sea, and normal sections where it is safe to "go with the flow", then the whole concept takes on new dimensions.

Obstacles in the river may include boulders with too narrow channels, snags, overgrowth from vegetation and trees that have fallen across the river. This may mean turning back or portaging around the obstacle. Portaging requires an ability to be able to look beyond the obstacles and a belief that there is navigable water on the other side. In life we may need to retreat or move away from situations and find other ways around them. We may need to gain some information about what things are like on the other side of the situation in order to choose which option to take. There are times when I have had to encourage clients to do this too, and we have an important role in helping them to acquire needed information. This is a common dilemma when clients present with relationship issues.

White water, rapids and currents can require courage and skill to travel through, or common sense to portage around them instead if they are too dangerous or we are not skilled enough to tackle them. For ourselves and our clients on our life journeys this may mean using strengths, skills and resources to survive through rough patches, and using wisdom and knowledge from similar rough patches that have been travelled through in the past. Clients going through major changes in their lives are often facing these challenges.

Shoals can make the water so shallow that we come to a complete stop and need to dig our paddles in to reverse off the sand, whilst seeking deeper channels to aim for once free. This happened to us whilst paddling on Lake Conjola on the south coast of NSW. The length of time we choose to stay stuck is up to us. So it is with life -- and sometimes choosing to stay stuck is a good option rather than hurrying out of a situation, only to find ourselves stuck again, and we need to be mindful of this with our clients as well. Grief and loss can leave clients feeling stuck on shoals. 

The danger of being swept out to sea was very real for us as we paddled to the mouth of Jerusalem Creek on the north coast of NSW and we had to quickly ditch ourselves onto the sand on the edge to avoid this happening. Then we needed to rest before tackling the return journey back upstream. There are times in our lives where we do need to take time out from our journeys and rest and regroup (by taking leave or breaks in our workday), so that we don't become swept out to become lost in the sea of work. Our clients may need time out too from dealing with complex issues and life situations, and we can encourage them to contemplate ways they might do this.

Sometimes we need to struggle against the current

On our return journey upstream on Jerusalem Creek, we were almost back to the jetty from which we had launched, when the creek narrowed and it was difficult to keep moving forward against the current. There was no other option but to paddle frantically to keep creeping forward, as there was no escape via the bank. Life can do this to us and our clients too, and all we can do is work hard to make progress against the current.

P.S. We discovered on Wingan Inlet in Victoria that the fins on paddles don't float when they come adrift! We have since filled them with expandable foam.