Resilience

Last week a deluge of rain and hail hit our house yard and created an instant roaring creek that flowed along the edge of our back verandah over my newly established flower beds. Initially I thought they were ruined but, after the creek had subsided, I managed to unearth all of the plants from under the mud and flood debris and found that even the tiny newly emerged Alyssum seedlings had survived. This storm taught me a lesson in resilience, which I think can be applied to our lives.

Feel the trauma and the pain

When life dishes out traumatic experiences we are allowed to react emotionally (I certainly cried), and we need time to process the shock and the feelings it generates. If we don’t allow the time to do this and think we should just “bounce back”, these feelings and reactions may become buried to simmer away and emerge again later when we are less in a position to be understood.

Look for signs of survival

Once the muddy water had finally soaked away and the rain had eased, I could go out and look for signs of survival – and the more I looked, the more I found. Instead I could have focused on looking for signs of damage (of which there were lots – hail had viciously shredded leaves of vegetables and plants, tall plants were sagging and fruit had been knocked from trees) – the dominant story.

In our lives too, we need to actively look inside ourselves for the strengths that have helped us to come through a crisis and survive rather than continue to only see the damage and losses.

Look for signs of new growth

This occurs further down the track – in my garden it was new seedlings still emerging, new leaves and flowers on plants and plants reaching again towards the sun.

In our lives, survival through traumas and crises can lead to the strengthening of our characters and the learning of new skills

The resilience building river metaphor

In one of the sessions of the Women’s Support Group we used the metaphor of life being like a river that has obstacles, white water, rapids and currents, slow and shallow sections and normal sections where we can “go with the flow”.

We talked about the obstacles being the things we have to navigate around by carefully finding a way through, and in our lives these may include fear, changes, grief and loss, difficult family members, children reaching puberty and risks of emotional injury.

The rapids are the things we have little control over and the times when we have no option but to keep going, and these can be things like going to court, dealing with government departments, moving house and things that make us really anxious.

The slow and shallow sections are the times when we have felt stuck or trapped, and these may include depression, boring times, restless times and times when we feel drained of energy.

The times we have had to climb out and rest by the river may be when we are exhausted, have lost hope, have given in to negatives or when others take over.

However the things that can give us the courage to get back in the river and continue our journeys may include being positive, learning from “the choir of hard knocks”, having people help us to do things for ourselves, encouragement and knowing we are not alone and that others suffer too.

The things that have helped us to keep going despite all of this are listed below.

Things that build resilience

With acknowledgement to the wisdom of the women in my former Women’s Support Group, some of the things which can help us become resilient are:

• Finding inner strength and listening to our inner voices of nurture and encouragement
• Learning from our mistakes
• Knowing that we have learnt something from the things that have happened
• Being able to move forward to positive things and believing in ourselves and the future (hope)
• Being able to see the big picture
• Knowing when to take time out and knowing when to ask for help
• Planning and problem solving skills and having a sense of direction
• Taking control of ourselves and our lives and giving ourselves choices
• Believing it will get better
• Motivation, confidence, skill and competence
• Sense of accomplishment

 Resilient people are able to reach out to others, overcome obstacles from the past, steer through everyday adversities, bounce back from setbacks and reach towards their full potential. (Stephanie Dowrick)