When it is difficult to feel gratitude: look for protection and provision

 I keep a gratitude journal, which I write in at the end of each day. However on some days it is a struggle to find things to be grateful for, and then I find that it helps to look for examples of protection and provision instead. It seems to be that gratitude is linked with a sense of happiness and positivity -- and some days it can be difficult to feel this -- whereas protection and provision is more feeling neutral.

23rd Psalm 

At the beginning of the pandemic I found lots of comfort in the 23rd Psalm and, as I read it, it occurred to me that it was all about protection and provision, the two things that I most needed.

The Lord is my Shepherd, (a Shepherd protects the sheep)

I shall not be in want. (promise of provision)

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, 

He restores my soul. (protection and provision)

He guides me in the paths of righteousness,

for His name's sake. (provision)

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for You are with me; (protection)

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (protection and provision)

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies. (protection and provision)

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows. (provision)

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (the ultimate protection and provision)

(NIV version of the Bible).

Protection

I found that by living life one day at a time, some days I know I am in a totally safe place at home, and I just need to remind myself of this when fears and anxieties creep in. However on days when I need to venture forth into the wider world, I might reflect that I was protected by e.g. shopping in an uncrowded supermarket, finding no-one else in the waiting room when I needed to go for pathology tests, people around me maintaining physical distancing in the pharmacy, and others wearing masks (a bit of a rare occurrence in our town, sadly) etc.

Provision

During the year, I have found abundant examples of this, ranging from the breaking of the drought (and our green pastures in which to rest), to vegetables and herbs growing in my garden, to finding scarce groceries in the supermarket, to having a storehouse of fabrics and sewing supplies and other resources to draw on, to finding on-line inspiring courses, to beautiful places to walk on our farm, to encouraging emails from friends and relatives, to comforting music, to living in Australia -- and so much more.

I have noticed that if I use the heading "Provision" in my gratitude journal on days when I am not feeling very grateful, I end up writing many things that I may have written as things to be grateful for on a better day.

Remember: Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will all be OK, but acknowledging that it is not. Sheryl Sandberg.

Covid 19: The many shades of grey

 As we navigate through this strange year where we cannot predict what tomorrow will bring, it occurs to me that we are living with shades of grey, when we would be more comfortable with black and white answers. Putting together a mostly black, white and shades of grey jigsaw had me reflecting on this as a metaphor for this year.

Black and white is easier to see

Just as the black and white pieces tend to stand out from the grey ones in the puzzle, so do the black and white facts about this Virus. However even some of the black and white puzzle pieces still have tinges of grey, and so does the Virus -- some of the seeming facts change as more is learnt and we are given new advice (in Australia this occurred with the wearing of masks).

Sometimes it helps to focus on small details

When it all becomes too much, honing in on putting together a smaller detail can help in struggling with the puzzle. This can help too when we feel overwhelmed with the magnitude of the Virus -- some days we need to just live in our safe bubble and concentrate on doing the things we can do.

Sometimes we need to seek order in overwhelming chaos

At one stage of my struggle to put the puzzle together, I chose to line up rows of similarly shaped pieces to make them easier to find. We can create some order in our daily lives too, so that we are not completely surrounded by chaos.

Looking for colour

This particular puzzle had a band of coloured roses across the middle, to contrast with the shades of grey, and in our current world it helps to look for colour in the things we can still be grateful for (especially protection and provision, which I plan to make the subject of a separate post).

We may struggle to find some pieces

As the jigsaw puzzle progressed I struggled to find some particular pieces (even though they were there), and there are still many things about this Virus that are a struggle to understand or make sense of in the overwhelm of information available to us.

There are missing pieces

Even when I finally finished the jigsaw, I discovered that one piece was missing. In relation to the virus there are still quite a number of missing pieces and we do not know what tomorrow, next week or next year will look like.

Remember: Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away. Pema Chodron.